Daily Jokes on EkNazar

Older and Smarter

George Phillips of Meridian , Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No." Then they said "All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said, "Okay" He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars r ed-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Workplace Negotiations

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Yo Quiero Some Tail

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."

The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."

She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

College Dorm

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules, "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

looking for a clean shirt

Didn't you suspect burglars had been in the house when you saw all the drawers pulled out and the contents scattered all over the floor? asked the policeman.
No, I just thought my husband had been looking for a clean shirt, replied the woman.

Answer-Genie
A man was walking through a thrift store when he found a genie lamp. After rubbing it, a genie popped out.

"Hello there," he said,"I am not a wish-granting genie, I am an answer genie. You may ask me three questions."
The man asked these questions:

1. What? Genie:"Hello there," he said,"I am not a wish-granting genie, I am an answer genie. You may ask me three questions."

2. Do I get another question? Genie: "No"

3. Dude, what the heck? Genie: "That counts."

A 50th Wedding Anniversary

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go to get her."

Upcoming wedding ceremony

"Whom would you like to invite for your upcoming wedding ceremony?" Father asked his son
"All except you and mom" the Son replied
"But why" Father angrily shouted
"Had you bothered to invite me for your ceremony!" the Son pleaded.

Going to the Dentist

One day a man walks into a dentist's and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth?

"$160," the dentist says.

"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"

"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $120."

"That's still too expensive," the man says.

"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anaesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging $40."

"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."

"Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $20." "Marvellous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday !"

Survive or died

First Kid: Once when I was playing on a road, a speeding bike hit me and I fell down on the earth unconsciously.

Second Kid: Oh my God! Did you survive that accident or you died.

First Kid: I don't remember exactly, I was only 3 yeas old at that time.

Mathematician husband

A mathematician reached home at 3 AM.

His wife was very upset.

Wife: You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!

Mathematician: I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve.

(12/4 = 3)

20 years Ago

Wife: Sweet Heart ! When you remove your specks you look like the same cute guy whom I married 20 years back.

Husband: Yes dear, when I remove my specks, you also look like the same charming girl whom I married 20 years back.

computer password

A Kid calls the Help Desk to complain a computer problem.

Kid: When I type computer password, it just shows star star star star. Whatz the joke?

Help Desk: Dear kid, those stars are to protect you, so that if a person standing behind, he can't read your password.

Kid: Yeah, but stars appear even when there is no one standing behind me.

Second Marriage
Wife: Honey, if I die would you get married again?

Husband: No dear.

Wife: I'm sure you would.

Annoyed husband: Okay, I would.

Wife: Would you let her sleep in our bed?

Husband: Ya, I guess so.

Wife: Would you let her wear my clothes.

Husband: No, she is taller than you.

Harassed Husband

Harassed Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.

Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.

Husband: I know all that.

Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?

Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.

Post of detective

Laloo applied for the post of a detective in Patna. In the interview he was asked a question:

Who killed Mahatma Gandhi?

Laloo: I will tell you tomorrow.

Laloo come home and tells his wife: I got the job and my first work is to investigate who killed Gandhi.