BOY
Boy: My Father's name is Laughing and my Mother's name is Smiling.
Teacher: U must be Kidding.
Boy: No, That is my brother I am joking.Rating
When Time Talks
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "Its not a gong. Its a talking clock", the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup", replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch", the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Hey, jerk! It's one-fifteen in the morning!"Rating
Father's money
After the wedding:
- You know, honey, I can't give up my maiden habits at once.
- It is not necessary! You may continue to take your father's money.Rating
Good Horse Sense
A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' he asks.
'That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it,' she replies.
'Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,' he explains.
She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house. Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.
When he comes to, he asks, 'What the heck was that for?'
She answers, 'Your horse just phoned.'Rating
New Scientific Theories III
The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory:
You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums.
This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it all out.RatingHow You Made Money?
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked.
"Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."RatingLittle Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman, "the detectives want him very badly."
So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt, "Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?"
RatingThe Disappointed Salesman
The disappointed salesman of Coke returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic.
So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters. The first poster is a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place".
"That should have worked", said the friend."
He replied, "Well, I didn't know Arabic, neither did I realize that Arabs read from right to left..."RatingLove Letter By An Advertising Manager
My Dear FAIR & LOVELY (ek tukda chand ka),you are my TVS SCOOTY (First Love)
and my AIWA (Pure Passion).I always BPL (Believe in the Best) and you are
SANSUI (Better Than The Best).You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering Million
Smiles)for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously Fresh)feeling for me. As you know I am REYMOND (The Complete Man) for you,I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The Unshakable)
and my father who is CEAT (Born Tough) but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine)and rest of our family members are pretty KELVINATORS (The Coolest Ones).If they will say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Let's Make Things Better).
In our marriage SAMSUNG (Everyone's Invited). Our parents will feel MIRINDA (zor ka jhatka dhire se lage)
but I believe in COCA COLA (jo chahe ho jaye).Trust in the God who's always NOKIA (Connecting People)who love each other. And we are WILLS (Made For
Each Other).Now that HYUNDAI (We are Listening) the song of love,you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (Real
Taste of Life),SATYAM ONLINE (Fun Fast Easy) and PARX (Always Comfortable).
So never forget me.Ok bye I wrote little but PEPSI (ye dil maange
more).LG (Digitally yours),RatingI Hate
Boy: I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I am comfortably seated.
Girl: So what do you do?
Boy: I close my eyes.RatingEverybody should pay their taxes with a smile, said Bob. I tried it but they wanted cash.RatingMary comes home rather late. Oh, sweetheart, she called, your car's on Maple Street.
Why didn't you bring it home? her husband asked. Couldn't, she said. It's too dark out there to find all the parts.RatingTelling Lie
Internal Test was going in college.
4 guys instead of reading they fully boosed previuos night. And in next morning they wake up late and told to lecturer that they gone to their native while coming back their car tyre got punctured. Lecturer given them a chance to appear the test next monday.
Whole week they read all the chapters and prepared for the test. In the test they were asked to sit in different class room to write for the exam. And not allowed to talk with any body and even in the cell phone.
Test Questions were only 2
Q 1. What is your name ? Marks 2
Q 2. Which tyre of your Car got punctured.? Marks 98Ratingwhy criminals leave their fingerprints
CIA: why criminals leave their fingerprints after doing their work?
Recruit: Sir, I Think they are illiterate, if they were literate, they would leave their signature for u.RatingPower Of Eye
Vijay to his father: "Can you write in the dark, dad?"
Father: "Of course. That's not difficult."
Vijay: "Then, please switch off the light and sign my school report."
Rating100 Marks
Wife: our neighbour's son got 99 marks.
Husband: where did that one mark go
Wife: It came to our son. :)RatingBeautiful Wife
wife: why don't you advised your friend to select his wife hence she is not a match with him?
husband: mmmm.... becoz he didn't advised me on that timeRating
Taj Hotel
Bhikari ne phone kiya: Hello Taj hotel
Taj: yes
Bhikari: 1 biriyani, 1 pizza bhej do
Taj: kiske naam pe bheju?
Bhikari: Allah ke naam pe bhej doRatingBE CAREFUL WHILE SENDING A MAIL
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.
However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,
Somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,
Expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th Oct 2006
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was..!
RatingThe Naming of Things...Specifically, Children.
Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins -- a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor answers.
The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise."
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."Rating
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